Rebirth

Through the pain she bloomed and grewBlossomed became something new

Like

A flower in the spring

She used her pain to water her soul

To feed her growth 

And begin her metamorphosis 

Like a caterpillar to a butterfly she changed

Took her curse and made it a blessing

Made it a reason to smile

A reason to breathe a reason to live

Used it as her voice to speak

A way to reach

The broken girls like her

The flowers blooming from concrete

Advertisements

Anxious and insecure rambles

A heavy heart and an anxious mind. MY head and heart can’t seem to agree with anything. Struggling with insecurities, convinced of my own inadequacies I can’t move forward. I am not good enough. I am not beautiful enough I am not what I want. I sit and I stare in the mirror with tears slowly falling from my eyes asking god why. Why can’t I let myself be happy? Why can’t I love myself the way others love me? I want to see what they see. The strong beautiful girl who smiles even when she’s breaking down. Instead all I see is my flaws. The nose I wish was smaller the lips I want fuller the tummy I need flatter waist slimmer hips wider and ass fatter. I hate myself. I have a man who loves me but I feel I don’t deserve him. I find myself staring at him and comparing myself to the other women in his life. Why me? I am not the best looking nor the best personality wise. I am problamatic. I come with issues no other man would want to deal with. I can’t control my temper and often end up exploding on him. Throwing things as I cry and scream how much I hate him and then collapsing into his arms moments later shaking and crying as I apologize and quietly ask god, why me? Why must I battle with these demons who seem intent on destroying my soul…these ups and downs, these switches in my mind I can’t control them. Theyre destroying me slowly, one day at a time. “Just be happy” he says. “You’re strong enough to fight this, I know this.” But am I? Can I defeat the cycle, conquer my demons before they conquer me? Or am I destined to unravel and destroy everything good in my life?