Personal Hell

standing on the edge

i look down and take a deep breath

I hear the voices behind me crying

begging

please

stop

begging

don’t go

but something nudges me

like

a voice in the back of my head

something telling me i deserve this

this personal hell i’ve created for myself

this dark and lonely place

where the pain and sadness play

and anger and hate walk hand in hand

my breath catches

my arms spread

like wings

and the wind rushes beneath my arms

before

it all

goes

….black

 

 

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Hidden Figures

Hiding my flaws because ive heard it all

the voices screaming in my head

and in my face

taunting me

telling me

no nigga will ever love me

im far too flawed

so i pretend to be happy

and hide the pain

behind a wide, quick smile

and a loud laugh

to mask the darkness seeping through

and the monsters creeping out

from deep within my mind and heart

Mama always told me

“baby hide those demons, never let them show

because when they see them

theyll leave you sad and lonely

broken and alone”

but…isnt it beautiful

the pain?

the darkness that resides within us

hiding our secrets and fears

the darkness that knows our every thought

fear

feeling

our every hope, our every dream

isnt loving, the way it wraps its arms around us

taking our whole being

and

accepting us?

why should i hide who i am?

hide the pain that made me beautiful

the sadness that made me loving?

why bury these things?

why hide who i am inside, and become someone im not?

why not embrace my inner monsters

and allow them to flow free

to escape

and help me grow and finally be free?